Prayer for Trip, Witnessing

[Here Am I]

Thank you all so much for your prayers. The Lord did indeed protect us and guide us in our trip.

I'll post more about the trip, maybe, elsewhere, as I feel led. However, about our meeting with our daughter:

She was cool the whole time, but her fiance was warm and friendly, as I remembered him being when I met him in March. We drove together in one car to take a short tour of where I grew up, and a local university where my dad and sister went to college (that's my one real 'sports' interest).

We stopped to get ice cream at the university (they make it fresh from their own cows) and my dh, who had been praying fervently about this trip, started talking to her fiance (who is a Roman Catholic) about how he used to be a Roman Catholic. There was nothing offensive or abusive about it, just talk. He also suggested that they go ahead and get married, since they are living together, and she got more cold in manner. He asked her "Don't you know you are sinning?" and she walked away from him as she said curtly "yes".

While in the car, with her fiance driving, my dh told our daughter that he wanted some time alone with her, privately, as he wanted to speak with her. She refused, and said anything that was going to be said could be said in front of her fiance, as they share everything. Her fiance quietly told her that if it were something between her and her dad, he didn't need to be there, but she insisted that it be public.

So, my dh asked her for her testimony, how she got saved. He said that since she'd declared that she was saved, she should be able to tell us when and where it happened. Her answer was clipped, curt, short, about how she got 'saved' at 'confirmation' (an Episcopalian rite), at which time she forgave us. Forgave us? I was confused: what had we done that required her forgiving us, years later?

Ron continued to talk to her, and her fiance, as we traveled: he was quiet, calm yet strong, and looking back, I am very proud of him. He talked about how good works can't save you, and how you need to be born again in order to go to Heaven. At one point he backed off a bit, and talked about how we had been part of a ministry in our old church, an addiction ministry. He said that addictions aren't just smoking or drinking, but other things, and when we were part of the ministry, we were required to write down what we used to do, what we used to be. He said he was shocked when he read over all that he was before he was saved.

The conversation then segued into smoking and drinking and other addictions, and the difficulty in overcoming them. John, our daughter's fiance, joined in and spoke about how hard smoking can be to give up, totally.

And at that point, there was an opening, and, led by the Lord, I took it:

I spoke about how my father used to smoke a pipe, until while at the dentist, he was informed that he had precancerous spots on the roof of his mouth, and threw away his pipe and ceased smoking from that day forward. At this point, I was talking to John, mainly, and he agreed that you can be scared into giving up an addiction.

And then, I led into my testimony, how I was saved. It's recorded elsewhere on this forum, but I mentioned, specifically, how my dh and I were separated for a while. I asked him if our daughter had mentioned that to him, and he was surprised, and said no, she hadn't. She was silent, and continued to be silent.

I told him how I got test results that indicated I might have cancer, and I was scared of dying and going to Hell, and how I accepted Christ as my Saviour in bed, just me and Him. Then I told her fiance how I didn't want to reconcile with my husband. I asked him "Do you ever feel like God is trying to tell you something?" and he said yes. I told him that I felt that as well, that the Lord wanted me to reconcile, and I finally did. And I added how, after we had been reconciled, I led my husband also to the Lord, how we are happier in our marriage than ever before.

During this entire conversation, John continued to talk with us, but our daughter remained totally silent. They drove us back to the motel instead of going back to one of the local historical sites as we'd planned. Our daughter would not talk to us, and she did not hug her father, but I hugged her and when she didn't respond, I told her to give me a hug, and she did so, halfheartedly. I hugged John and told him quietly that I was glad I was going to have a second son. Then they left.

I told my husband that "Boy did you open a can of worms, she's 'mad'," but pointed out that it wasn't anything that he had said, but the message that upset her, which was good. We did not expect to see her again.

A couple of hours later, she called me on my cell phone and asked to meet with me, privately, just the two of us, and I agreed. I met her at a food court of a local mall, and there she told me how she'd never felt loved, and went on to blame all her problems, all her issues, on me and her father.

It was bad, and I wept while she sat there, stonefaced. It was horribly painful.

I will not go into the particulars, but basically, she doesn't want to have anything to do with us, especially her father. She will accept a relationship with me, but not as her mother, and she will set the terms.

But through it all, the Lord carried me, and continues to carry me and my dh.

At one point, she went into a rant about our beliefs, saying she believed that God allows anyone who tries to be good to enter Heaven. I asked her if she would allow me to show her one thing, to explain why her parents believe as we do, and she agreed. I pulled out a pocked sized New Testament, and turned to John 14:6. I let her read it, out loud. I explained that unless you go through Jesus, and are born again as He has told you in John 3, you don't go to Heaven. She said that was my interpretation, that she took a religion class in college and was shown all the contradictions in the Bible. I told her that I probably could uncontradict all that she'd been shown, but wasn't going to get into a Bible debate: did she believe that this (holding up the Bible) was the word of God, and she said yes. However, she still rejected what I said, saying God wouldn't send all those people to Hell, she doesn't believe that. I left it at that, telling her that no matter what happens, whether or not we have any relationship, she's still my daughter, that I've always loved her, we've always loved her, and will continue to love her, even if we don't see her.

She's heard the gospel, as has her fiance, and it's now up to them to decide for Christ or not. I pray that they both will accept Him at some point before it is too late.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Please continue to keep my daughter and her fiance in your prayers. I believe he was more receptive to what my dh was saying, and God's word.

God bless you, all.

[Lynne]

I'm praying for Jesus to heal your family.

I know parts, or probably most of the encounter was extremely painful, but, only going by what I read, it sounds to me like an excellent trip in many ways. You're sure your daughter was presented a clear-cut gospel message and she talked to you about her feelings. It sounds like she's trying to communicate to you about the issue that has caused her to freeze you out in the past. I was actually very encouraged to hear this. I'm not a mom, but I can imagine it was agonizing to hear what she said, but the fact that she's talking to you about important things thrills me. And you listened to her. That, and the gospel, were two very, very precious gifts you gave her, way more than most parents give their children. Well done!

[Laura]

Lynne.

Combine that with the fact that both you (Lor), and Ron feel positively about John and maybe there was more positive about this painful time than it appears at first glance. Maybe the Lord will work His healing partly through Eleanor's fiancé.

[VALERIE]

Here Am I.

I have been thinking about and praying a lot over the post you made yesterday about the meeting with your daughter and her boyfriend. Being a mother myself my heart goes out to you, I know just how cruel children can be at times, even when we think they are all grown up. They never do really grow up, do they? They always need their parents even if they like to make believe they don't. If your daughter hated you and wanted nothing more to do with you then she would have totally ignored your request for a meeting as it would not have bothered her one bit. As it is she met with you and even if you think it did not go well, believe me it did, Eleanor is clutching at straws at present in the hope of catching on to something she can cling to for hope. Straws bend and break so there is no comfort with that scenario. Give her time, the seed has been planted, she has voiced her fear and you have listened, so has the Lord.

My mother has a saying which she has said to me many times over the years, "they will always need you before you need them", this is quite true and I have learned through pain and heartache that that saying is so true. The Lord knows your needs as He knows Eleanor's needs and a mother's love will always break through the thickest fog.

I will keep you and Eleanor close in prayer. Please know I love you dearly and as I have said to Gary, I am only as far away as your finger tips.

Blessings.

[Here Am I]

God bless you all, for your wonderful words of encouragement.

After a long conversation with my older sister (who raised four children to adulthood without killing any!) said that it sounds like my daughter is doing her teenage rebellion, at age 28.

We will continue to pray for her, and her fiance, but we're not going to go to her anymore. When she's ready to resume a relationship, we'll be here.

[VALERIE]

Amen to that sister.

[MrsHayseed]

(08-04-2010 12:00 PM)VALERIE Wrote:  Here Am I.

I have been thinking about and praying a lot over the post you made yesterday about the meeting with your daughter and her boyfriend. Being a mother myself my heart goes out to you, I know just how cruel children can be at times, even when we think they are all grown up. They never do really grow up, do they? They always need their parents even if they like to make believe they don't. If your daughter hated you and wanted nothing more to do with you then she would have totally ignored your request for a meeting as it would not have bothered her one bit. As it is she met with you and even if you think it did not go well, believe me it did, Eleanor is clutching at straws at present in the hope of catching on to something she can cling to for hope. Straws bend and break so there is no comfort with that scenario. Give her time, the seed has been planted, she has voiced her fear and you have listened, so has the Lord.

My mother has a saying which she has said to me many times over the years, "they will always need you before you need them", this is quite true and I have learned through pain and heartache that that saying is so true. The Lord knows your needs as He knows Eleanor's needs and a mother's love will always break through the thickest fog.

I will keep you and Eleanor close in prayer. Please know I love you dearly and as I have said to Gary, I am only as far away as your finger tips.

Blessings.

I have to say this is exactly right.
I too have been thinking alot before posting because I didn't want to dampen your spirit at all HereAmI.

Your daughter is 28 with a wall of protection up.
Valerie's mother is so right "they do need us before we need them" ..I have found this to be true but I used to think they need me and they don't know it yet.

Your daughter puzzled you when she said she had forgiven you both ????...you couldn't understand that.
However you and your husband seperated once,that strikes at a child and turns their world upside down.You and your husband reunited and are going strong for the Lord and so it is hard to relate that your daughter is stuck.When a seperation happens it does mean harsh words have been said,wild feelings upheavel in everybodies lives happens including extended family,this affects a child.

Your daughter's fiance is your best help,be a good friend to him and he will interpret you and your husband to your daughter ie;"they didn't mean it like that." because he will be fair.

Go softly with your daughter even with the things of God..softly and just love her.