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What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
05-26-2010, 07:29 AM
Post: #1
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What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
Respect / Honor Your Parents

One thing that I was taught growing up was that we were to respect/honor our parents and our elders. I had parents that I could respect and honor, thank the Lord for that! My husband did not have that same blessing and we currently deal with a situation involving his parents.

What do you do when you have a parent that shows no regard for your wishes, tears you down, emotionally abuses you, your spouse and your children?

Is respect/honor giving your parents what they want, when they want it and how they want it or else they cry 'disrespect' and throw the fifth commandment in your face?

Is respect/honor always letting your parents come visit you whenever they want to, even if that means that there will be emotional abuse to you and your family?

Is it enough to just respect their position as your parent while keeping your distance from them?

If you have any words of wisdom please back them up with Scripture. I would like to know what the Scripture says about this matter.
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05-26-2010, 11:43 AM
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
"Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law." (Luke 12:51-53)


It's going to happen.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." (Ephesians 5:31)

A man should put his wife before his parents.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4)


Children, obey your parents IN THE LORD.

And fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath.

Was Carl 'brought up' in the nuture and admonition of the Lord?

But of course, they're probably not interested in that. No matter what Bible verses you use, I doubt they're going to listen, lil' sister. It's like those who love to use 'judge not!' all the time: they're only interested in using the Bible when it suits their agenda.

Sorry.
Smiley-hug002

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05-26-2010, 12:14 PM
Post: #3
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
Don't be sorry, Big Sis! Those are all really good! THANK YOU! Smiley-hug002

(05-26-2010 11:43 AM)Here Am I Wrote:  "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:
For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.
The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law." (Luke 12:51-53)


It's going to happen.

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." (Ephesians 5:31)

A man should put his wife before his parents.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4)


Children, obey your parents IN THE LORD.

And fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath.

Was Carl 'brought up' in the nuture and admonition of the Lord?

But of course, they're probably not interested in that. No matter what Bible verses you use, I doubt they're going to listen, lil' sister. It's like those who love to use 'judge not!' all the time: they're only interested in using the Bible when it suits their agenda.

Sorry.
Smiley-hug002
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05-26-2010, 12:21 PM
Post: #4
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
(05-26-2010 07:29 AM)Vania Wrote:  [color=#4B0082]Respect / Honor Your Parents
What do you do when you have a parent that shows no regard for your wishes, tears you down, emotionally abuses you, your spouse and your children?

Your primary concern should be for the safety of your family. When anyone, relation or not, threatens my family in any way (physically, spiritually, emotionally) I shield and protect my family from that person. Yes, including family, we have personal experience in this area, and I will not compromise my family on the alter of someone else's feelings.

Quote:Is respect/honor giving your parents what they want, when they want it and how they want it or else they cry 'disrespect' and throw the fifth commandment in your face?

No, that is not respect, that is allowing someone to bully you and manipulate you. Respect and honor is politely telling them, these are the boundaries, these are the limits, this is what we allow, this is what we do not allow. When they try the manipulative tactics you politely say, I'm sorry you feel that way, however, we have our rules and they are firm. If you chose to not respect us, then you choose to have limited or no contact with us.

Quote:Is respect/honor always letting your parents come visit you whenever they want to, even if that means that there will be emotional abuse to you and your family?

No, absolutely not. Respect is politely explaining to them your issues and politely delineating the boundaries and then stand firm and resolute.

Quote:Is it enough to just respect their position as your parent while keeping your distance from them?

If that is what it takes, if that is what is necessary.

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an INFIDEL.

I realize the context of this verse is speaking about taking care of widows. However, I believe it may be further applied to spiritual and emotion provision, which would include protecting your family from harm.

I believe that honor and respect speaks to how we treat them, how we address them, our attitude toward them. And so when it becomes necessary to defend my family against those who I am told to honor and respect, I do so with love and charity, with honor and respect, with an honest explanation for the action I am taking; yet I am resolute and stand firm to protect my family and to provide for them a safe haven.

At various times in our married life we have had to address issues with both of our parents. We tell them, these are our rules, this is how things are going to be. You have a choice. You can choose to respect my family and enjoy our company, or you can choose to limit or eliminate your relationship with us based upon your behavior. Not in a mean or vengeful way, but with honor and respect that is due them.

Daniel

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
Psalm 18:2
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05-26-2010, 12:38 PM
Post: #5
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
Amen, good answers. The thought that came to my mind was that when two people marry and start their own family, the new nuclear family becomes the primary unit.

Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

When children grow up, leave home and marry, the relationship with their parents becomes on an adult-to-adult basis, and while the parent-child relationship is never negated, the parent-child dynamic should end.

So parents should be honoured/respected like in any adult-to-adult relationship, but boundaries protecting the young family are not unreasonable.

For a husband (or wife) to prioritize his (her) parents ahead of his (her) spouse will cause no end of problems, similarly to if (s)he prioritizes his children ahead of his (her) spouse, because in so doing, priorities, as God delineates them, are out of whack.

"The past is prologue,
the present is unparalleled,
and the future is as great as our faith in God."


Dr. W. F. Powell
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05-26-2010, 12:40 PM
Post: #6
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
Thank you Brother Daniel for that post!! It is very encouraging! Smiley-hug002
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05-26-2010, 12:51 PM
Post: #7
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
Amen, excellent thoughts.

(05-26-2010 12:38 PM)Laura Wrote:  Amen, good answers. The thought that came to my mind was that when two people marry and start their own family, the new nuclear family becomes the primary unit.

Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

When children grow up, leave home and marry, the relationship with their parents becomes on an adult-to-adult basis, and while the parent-child relationship is never negated, the parent-child dynamic should end.

So parents should be honoured/respected like in any adult-to-adult relationship, but boundaries protecting the young family are not unreasonable.

For a husband (or wife) to prioritize his (her) parents ahead of his (her) spouse will cause no end of problems, similarly to if (s)he prioritizes his children ahead of his (her) spouse, because in so doing, priorities, as God delineates them, are out of whack.

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
Psalm 18:2
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05-26-2010, 12:57 PM
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
This is what has happened to our family. Carl's parents (especially his mother) have alienated themselves from us through their actions. We have been forced to not allow his mother to see the children because of much (and I mean really bad) emotional abuse. It was one thing to have her telling Carl that he was lousy, good for nothing and that he would never amount to anything. It was one thing for her to tell me in public that I was fat and wrinkly. But it was a completely different thing to tell our children that we didn't love them and that we were lying when we told them that because she was the only one who really loved them. To tell them that their daddy didn't really love their mama was wrong. There is so much more that has been said but I really don't want to go into all that. I only post these as examples. There has been blatant disregard to our wishes when it comes to gifts for the children (they know that we are Christians who shun evil things and they sent our son Jumanji for a birthday gift) and with our general home rules. They throw up 'you need to respect your parents' and when we have as a united front told them they couldn't come visit or see the children (his mother, anyway) she made sure all family members and friends knew what awful people we were and that we are fake Christians. There have been much slander to our characters but there is nothing we can do about it. They don't try to get to know the 'real us' so they believe the lies. Cry2 It doesn't help that they aren't saved. (mother-in-law claims to be but has no evidence...father-in-law and other relatives are Catholic and do not agree with our beliefs at all!)

Anyway, my in-laws will be here July 18-22 (mother-in-law hasn't been to visit since 2004) and we request that you please pray for us. That we would be able to stay out of 'the flesh' and remain diligent to the Word of God.

The reason I posted these questions was because we both wanted to make sure that we did understand the Scripture and that we were doing the right thing because it really isn't something we enjoy doing. We would love nothing more than for them to be a part of our children's lives but not at the risk of their well-being.

Please don't think that I am trying to sound self-righteous. I have failed many a time in the past 11 years with the incidents between the in-laws and myself. (never physical..just verbal) I have asked their forgiveness and have admitted where I was wrong. Three years ago, I would never have been able to even think about my m-i-l without getting so angry I would feel as though I wasn't on the ground. Then, I asked the Lord to forgive me and to help me see her as He did. Since then, I can talk about her without getting angry. I feel sorry for the life she has chosen to lead but I know that I can't change that. Only she is able to do that with the Lord's help ... I just pray that she does accept Him & His help before it is too late. God has worked a lot in my heart over this situation and I just pray that we can actually be a witness to them.

Hope that none of this makes us sound like awful children!!!

Keep the advice and Scripture coming!!! Smile Love y'all! Heart
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05-26-2010, 12:59 PM
Post: #9
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
(05-26-2010 12:38 PM)Laura Wrote:  Amen, good answers. The thought that came to my mind was that when two people marry and start their own family, the new nuclear family becomes the primary unit.

Ge 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

When children grow up, leave home and marry, the relationship with their parents becomes on an adult-to-adult basis, and while the parent-child relationship is never negated, the parent-child dynamic should end.

So parents should be honoured/respected like in any adult-to-adult relationship, but boundaries protecting the young family are not unreasonable.

For a husband (or wife) to prioritize his (her) parents ahead of his (her) spouse will cause no end of problems, similarly to if (s)he prioritizes his children ahead of his (her) spouse, because in so doing, priorities, as God delineates them, are out of whack.

Amen Great post twin!
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05-26-2010, 02:27 PM
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RE: What does the Bible say about Respecting/Honoring your Parents?
(05-26-2010 12:57 PM)Vania Wrote:  ...
We have been forced to not allow his mother to see the children because of much (and I mean really bad) emotional abuse.

It was one thing to have her telling Carl that he was lousy, good for nothing and that he would never amount to anything.

It was one thing for her to tell me in public that I was fat and wrinkly.

But it was a completely different thing to tell our children that we didn't love them and that we were lying when we told them that because she was the only one who really loved them.

To tell them that their daddy didn't really love their mama was wrong...

There has been blatant disregard to our wishes when it comes to gifts for the children (they know that we are Christians who shun evil things and they sent our son Jumanji for a birthday gift) and with our general home rules.

They throw up 'you need to respect your parents' and when we have as a united front told them they couldn't come visit or see the children (his mother, anyway) she made sure all family members and friends knew what awful people we were and that we are fake Christians.

There have been much slander to our characters but there is nothing we can do about it. They don't try to get to know the 'real us' so they believe the lies... It doesn't help that they aren't saved. (mother-in-law claims to be but has no evidence...father-in-law and other relatives are Catholic and do not agree with our beliefs at all!)

Sister, please understand that I do not intend to speak disparagingly about your husband's family, I do not intend to cause any more problems, and my comments are based solely upon what has been written. However, I must cry out and say I've personally witnessed these same things, in several different people. I don't know this woman, and so I can not speak about her; however, I have seen this type of behavior in others, so please indulge me to speak about what I have seen in others.

These are examples of a miserable and bitter person whose sole aim in life is to destroy those whom she has determined to be her enemy, which is anyone who dares to stand up to her. She desires complete devotion and control of those around her. Her actions are with calculated cruelty and designed to inflict serious wounds that will not soon heal. A person who would do such evil, vile, and wicked things has done them with purpose, with mal-intent, and with mal-aforethought. They are devoid of love and mercy, completely self-absorbed.

They are full of devils and unclean spirits. This has departed the realm of an emotional battle and is full blown spiritual warfare.

This type of person will even play along and have a religious experience, will shed tears, and will say all the write words, merely to get another opportunity to inflict further damage, to mock and to ridicule.


Sister, I must plead that you and your husband seriously reconsider allowing them to come and visit. But if you must, I would not invite them to stay in my home. They would need to stay in a motel (and I would not pay for it). I would not allow them to come to my house to visit. I would meet them in public venues and set specific times for the visit. If at any point they misbehave I would politely leave.

Your home is your sanctuary, your refuge. If you invite them in, you are inviting the spirits with them, you are inviting the enemy into your home. To invite the enemy into your home is no different than allowing satanic music, pornography, idols, or stolen property. You are giving an open invitation to devils to come and invade your home.

If you feel that you must allow them in your home (I would not), then I would politely give them clear and specific rules concerning the visit. I would set clear and specific consequences to rule violations. If at any point they violate the rules (which will happen, just to test your resolve), I would not hesitate to politely invite them to leave. If they refuse to leave, I would call the sheriff (politely of course).

I understand that this will sound wild and extreme to some people. But I speak from the trenches of the battle field, I speak with experience. The souls of your precious children can take days, weeks, months or years to heal from wounds that are inflicted in a single moment. You must count the cost and decide if you are willing to pay such a price.

My heart aches concerning this situation, I will pray for you and for the decisions you must make.

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
Psalm 18:2
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